Failure to Grace: Pure Gift

Taken from Seeds of Hope, Edited by Robert Durback

The great temptation is to use our many obvious failures and disappointments in our lives to convince ourselves that we are really not worth being loved. Because what do we have to show for ourselves?

But for a person of faith the opposite is true. The many failures may open that place in us where we have nothing to brag about but everything to be loved for. It is becoming a child again, a child who is loved simply for being, simply for smiling, simply for reaching out.

This is the way to spiritual maturity: to received love as a pure, free gift.

Winter Retreat 2012 Reflections

Winter Retreat 2012...

What else can I say?  It was a blessing for me to get away...to rest...to be...

The retreat was timely for me as it came at a time when I felt exhausted and stretched, when the busyness of life presented little to no rest.  Our church just piles it on at the end of the year.  Event after event.  It's never-ending.  Even at the retreat, I was there "working" and serving our youth.  But at the end of the day, the question that I'm asking myself is: how am I finding rest at this retreat?

I wonder how many of our retreats actually help us rest in God or whether they lead to so much "doing" that we rarely receive the gift of just "being".  I'm amazed more and more how many of us realize that we are beings called to do from our sense of who we are.  As a result, I think we've largely lost the art of connecting well with others...of conversing...and as a result, of relating.  We're content putting up smoke screens that just affirm the idea that we would rather do things...or talk about things...or deflect attention away from ourselves and onto something other than ourselves...

I think it makes us feel uncomfortable when we have to examine our own selves...

As the retreat got off its feet, I spoke about how we should use our time intentionally...to make every moment count...and to be intentional even in our conversations and the way we relate to one another...

The result?

People talking about "being" intentional...and how we can be intentionally intentional...or point out how this person or that person is doing some intentional stuff...

Rather than being...rather than being intentional...it comes more naturally to us to just talk about it or point it out...

Quote from The Unnecessary Pastor: Rediscovering the Call by Peterson and Dawn

"All ministry takes place in conditions of sin, over which the Spirit of God hovers and into which the world-making, life-changing Word of God is spoken." (pg. ix)

"...pastoral work originates in and is shaped by the revelation of God in Jesus Christ.  It takes place in the world's culture, but it is not caused by it.  It is intimately involved in the world, but it is not defined by it.  The gospel is free, not only in the sense that we don't have to pay for it, but also in the more fundamental sense that it is an expression of God's freedom--it is not caused by our needs but by God's grace.  The Trinity -- not the culture, not the congregation -- is the primary context for acquiring training and understanding in the pastoral vocation." (pg. 5)

"Do you see what happens when we replace a biblical word like "sinner" with a secular word like "dysfunctional"?  What is wrong with the sinner is something that has to do with his or her relationship with God; what is wrong with the dysfunctional person has to do with not fitting into my projects.  We can't be too careful in the words we use, for they betray the way we see and live our lives." (pg. 16)
* Lord help me to choose my words wisely in my relationships w/ others...Lord have mercy...

Thought by Georges Bernanos...

"Sometimes I think of Satan as trying to get hold of the mind of God, and not merely hating it without understanding, but understanding it the wrong way round; thus unknowingly struggling against the current of life, instead of swimming with it: wearing himself out in absurd terrifying attempts to reconstruct in the opposite direction, the whole work of the Creator."

The Diary of a Country Priest, pg. 81
Georges Bernanos

English Ministries (EM) in the Greater Vancouver Area...

Having been on the job hunt for quite some time now, I have put in applications for work opportunities that cover a great expanse, from church ministries to the non-profit sector focused on education, youth development, community and international development, and philanthropy. Needless to say, I am still on the hunt. There are many jobs out there, but there must be an equal number of applicants on this hunt. I often receive notices to this effect: "We regret to inform you that while your skills and qualifications were outstanding, we decided to go with another candidate from among the pool of 134 applicants." So, we're talking about less than 1% chance in getting this position...Is it really that competitive out there?

In many ways the idea of Vancouver being home for us is slowly fading away.

Some of the opportunities that did come up (which I turned down) were to serve as an English-speaking pastor with Korean churches in the Vancouver area. The Korean churches in Vancouver tend to be young as the wave of immigration trailed that of the one in the US, and the face of the Korean church here is constantly evolving. The face of Korean churches in this area look something to this effect: single parent households (usually a mom and kids with the dad sending support from Korea), international students (yoo-hak-saengs = 유학생) who are here on student visas, homestay students (where both parents live in Korea), and finally immigrant families. One of the challenges that I've found in serving this demographic is that I've encountered little effort among churches to try to understand the cause or impetus behind these changes, thus being more aptly equipped to serve the constituents at hand.

I served for two years as an EM youth pastor, and one of the things that I heard quite frequently from parents, peers, pastor friends, and Vancouverites was that the youth are often shafted. Pastors come and go without much regard to committing long-term with the youth of Vancouver, and often this leaves them hurt and distrustful of future pastors that might come along the way. While there might be some truth to this charge, I want to argue that this charge is too simplistic and often scapegoats EM pastors in such a way that offers little reflection and insight into the systemic issues that play into effect. I offer my apology (defense) below:

(1) Youth, in my experience working with them in the church and in the public school system, are quite resilient. It's one of the main gifts and assets that characterize youth. Wasn't it normal for you to have a different teacher from year to year at school, and didn't things turn out okay for you? I don't see anyone blaming the teachers of the school systems. While some schools have made efforts to see a teacher walk with a particular class over an extended period of time (perhaps more often done in private or charter schools), it is not the norm. And granted that some changes (if severe and frequent) disrupts the sense of belonging and stability for the child, resiliency still plays a significant contribution to the well-being of the child. Now, in the case of Korean churches, while staff changes take place (some healthy and some not), the stability of the faith ascribed to the youth, I believe, begins more often than not with the nuclear/extended family. If a great number of families in Vancouver are disjointed and fractured, it should raise the question: "Why are churches not speaking into this situation?" I find that the overwhelming number of family structures that are composed of a single parent (called 기러기 = ki-ruh-ki families) make up the base of many churches, and church leaders find it difficult to challenge these familial structures. If a consistent male figure is lacking in the lives of these youth, it should begin with the fathers needing to make some adjustments or families to consider carefully whether residing in Vancouver is the wisest of decisions, but one cannot and should not look to an English-speaking youth pastor who works part-time with little pay to be a surrogate dad of sorts. It's unfair and unrealistic! Do the youth get shafted? Certainly so! But, not because the youth pastors cannot commit more to the students!

(2) EM pastors are not supported well here. To find a situation in which the senior pastor understands well the cultural currents and milieu that youth and English-speakers face, supports the endeavors of the EM pastors, and strengths ties to build mutual accountability and progress is far and few between. Structurally there is a problem. EM pastors work out of a place of tension that often creates much conflict in how to make the right decisions. On the one hand, the EM pastor tries to understand the situation and needs of the youth in light of the Gospel while also trying to communicate these needs to Korean-speaking church leaders who demonstrate little interest or concern to empathize. A basic posture that I've encountered both explicitly and implicitly here is: "Do not let me hear any serious complaints from parents, but let's keep them happy. As long as you take care of those in your circle, I'm happy as the senior pastor."

(3) Ministry in Vancouver is still imported from Korea without a desire to contextualize it to this local place or community. Mega churches in Korea have done church plants here because of the growing number of Koreans who are here for the reasons mentioned above. But rather than looking for pastors who have at least spent some time in Vancouver learning the culture, language, and rhythms of life here, they hire someone directly from Korea. In these regards, the status quo is to do ministry as if one were living in Korea. Yes there are slight variations, but more often than not, contextualization is not a high priority (yet). To illustrate this point, I know a number of Korean churches still rent space from other Canadian churches or organizations, and while this in itself can be viewed as a business transaction, should it be solely viewed this way?? Is there not a place to build relationships since Vancouver, Canada is the place and context where ministry is being done? I recall a conversation once when a Korean church wanted to make a donation to the community center/building that it was renting from just so that the church's name can be added to the list of donors...to help its image within the community. Why try to purchase relationships when they are meant to be built? It's cheap, and I believe morally wrong. Or, how about churches in which more than half its congregants drive in 20, 30, or 40 minutes? Does the church communicate a need or desire to know its neighborhood that houses its place of worship? To know the sights, sounds, smells--the very lives that makeup the people of the area? There is a Korean church less than a block away from our house that posts all of its service times and information in Korean save the name of the church which is written out in both Korean and English. The only thing that would be coherent to neighbors is that a Korean church meets in this huge building, parking spots are taken on Sunday mornings, and loud music/noise disrupts my sleeping in. What if someone from the neighborhood wanted to check out the church or to see what this church business was all about? There would be no way for him/her to know since this information is not made accessible...

I'm dumbfounded that people in Vancouver still look at the "exodus" (if you want to call it that) of EM pastors as a problem that exists unto itself. If a church has a turnover in its pastoral staff, say an EM pastor for sake of argument, wouldn't it be helpful and perhaps wise for churches to ask the question: "Is there something we ourselves are not doing correctly? Does this pattern say something about us (rather than the EM pastor)?" I've hardly heard these types of questions being raised, and I think it's time that churches start doing so. Vancouver has less than 3% Christians, and it's a city that desperately needs God's kingdom to break-in in ways that allow churches to be effective in ministry. Korean churches, in particular, can begin that often difficult task of searching within. This task of self-introspection isn't pretty but it might be one step in moving towards becoming healthy, vibrant churches that welcome the investment of EM pastors who want to commit for the long-haul. Rather than looking at the perpetual pattern of the EM pastors' "exodus", might it not be helpful to critique the very systems and personnel that might be contributing to this perpetual pattern? Might it not be helpful to undergo some self-examination? Until this happens, I believe that Korean churches in Vancouver will continue to see EM pastors struggle to find themselves belonging here...to find a fit that welcomes their desire and commitment to the youth/English speakers...and to co-pilgrim with the Korean church in such a way that meets the demands of this ever-evolving context...

Meaningless Gospel?

"It is not difficult to see how the marketeer's evangelicalism might begin to resemble the old liberalism, the gospel H. Richard Niebuhr once described as consisting in a God without wrath bringing people without sin into a kingdom without judgment through a Christ without a cross."

God in the Wasteland, pg. 82 by David F. Wells

Wendell Berry's Take on Roads

"A road, on the other hand, even the most primitive road, embodies a resistance against the landscape. Its reason is not simply the necessity for movement, but haste. Its wish is to avoid contact with the landscape; it seeks so far as possible to go over the country, rather than through it; its aspiration, as we see clearly in the example of our modern freeways, is to be a bridge; its tendency is to translate place into space in order to traverse it with the least effort. It is destructive, seeking to remove or destroy all obstacles in its way. The primitive road advanced by the destruction of the forest; modern roads advance by the destruction of topography."

Wendell Berry in "A Native Hill" from The Art of the Commonplace

This quote reminds me of times when I had to decide between taking either US Route 101's concrete monotony, and Highway 1, which hugs the Californian coast-line, bluffs, and beautiful stretches of sandy beaches. Even the times that I've chosen to take Highway 1, it seems bearable only momentarily. The twists and turns seem nauseating. Or, is it the speed at which I drive that causes these terrible sensations? Traveling, while often regarded as a movement from A to B, requires room for absorbing the sights and sounds, smells and wonders of a particular locale. Why rush and miss everything in between? Are we that impatient? On my wife and my honeymoon trip to Madrid and Montreal en route back to Vancouver, we realized that we didn't want to tour through a country at a hare's pace and hardly absorb its local culture. Yet even a week's time in Madrid hardly does the city justice, especially as honeymooners and newbies to Madrid's late-night eating culture. One of the things that Esther and I have tried to remind each other is the good that lies in knowing the streets in our neighborhood. To walk the streets and to converse with our neighbors root us more readily in this place than driving just the two of us with the sole purpose of getting there. Why lose the in-betweeness and settle for roads that avoid as Berry puts it?

How can we better know our landscape and topography? How can we better contribute and participate in the shaping of the landscapes that both define our patterns of movement but also how our neighborhoods are shaped? What would it look like to make contact with our landscape?